1) Fundraising was a series of repeatedly swallowing my pride. I’m the oldest of five children and have been working since I was 13 years old. To ask for the nearly $19,000 needed to embark on this mission was a humbling experience. Am I worthy of the funds? Will I come off as a beggar? Will I appear self-righteous? Will I be rejected? All of these questions loomed in the air around my mind. It got easier when I dug into His word and what He says about being commissioned. I had to remain steadfast in what He has called me into and trust that He would make a way. Let me tell you that He is faithful when you depend on Him wholeheartedly.

            2) Comfort was a hard one. I LOVE a fluffy bed, scorching hot showers, air conditioner, and comfort food. To sacrifice these things is harder now as I write this from an indigenous village where I experience the brunt of this. I’m surrounded by teammates constantly. Sometimes I’m grumpy and I have to swallow that. I know that at the end of these 11 months I can turn off my suffering. It’s not like that for the street children desperately trying to sell me a Guatemalan flute. Jesus calls us to consider others better than ourselves. What gives me the right to complain about other people’s everyday reality?

            3) Another one is my insomnia. This is huge for me and has plagued me since kindergarten. I remember running around my house like a spy as a child when everyone else fell asleep. That has morphed into a restless mind, an immunity to melatonin, and relentless nightmares. It causes exhaustion and issues focusing that bleed into my days. A sense of anxiety washes over me when the night sky reveals itself. Please be praying that I overcome chronic insomnia and nightmares without a dependency on medication this year.

            4) Lack of control - wow, this is a huge one. I didn’t realize what this would do to me until I got here. We’re withheld information about future plans to challenge us to stay present and pour ourselves into the current moment. We’re in dangerous areas where we often can’t leave the compounds we’re residing in - protected by alarm systems, electrical fences, and other homemade security devices. To gaze at mountainous landscapes behind curls of barbed wire is tough. My mind has wings and I struggle to suppress its longings.

The homemade security system at New Generations campus we are staying at in Chichicastenango, Guatemala.

           5) Leaving my life, family, and friends behind. This one hurts. The devil whispers that I will be forgotten and unable to relate to my peers when I return. My youngest sisters are starting middle and high school this year. Concerts and events are making a comeback post covid. I want to be a part of it all. However, the Lord reassures me that what He is calling me into is far greater than anything I leave behind. This year will enable me to be a light and blessing for others. It will allow me to see with spiritual eyes for the rest of my life.